Got a problem that seems impossible?
An insane deadline? Something that’s been gnawing at you for months? An exam next week and not a clue about the topic?
OK, then. We’ll roll our sleeves up and see what we can do.
Obviously, no guarantees on the impossible tasks. We are neither infallible, omnipotent, omniscient, nor omnipresent. But we’re pretty good at maths. We can throw our brains behind it and see what happens.
No fixed pricing
It’s based on several factors, including
- How interesting the problem is
- How much time it’s likely to take
- How likely we are to solve it
- How valuable the solution is to you
- How urgent it is
- Probably other factors, too. Prices move in mysterious ways.
How to get your miracle
- You call 07796 430 862 and say “Help! I need a miracle!”
- We discuss your miracle needs.
- We figure out whether it’s within FCM’s realm of possible miracles*.
- We agree on a miracle spec, including:
- What will constitute success
- What support we’ll need from you
- How long we’re expected to work on it
- How much we’ll charge for trying
- How much we’ll charge for succeeding
Once we’re agreed on the miracle spec, we go away and try really hard to perform your miracle. You can pray if you like.
When it’s done, or we’ve tried hard and failed, we send you an invoice and you pay it. Or there will be wrath.
No guarantees
Note that there is no guarantee that your miracle will be solved – obviously we’ll try our very best over the timeframe we agree on, but we may be unable to find a solution for you.
If we can’t sort it out for you, you’ll have access to all of our notes and any computer code we’ve written in the attempt, and we’ll only charge the agreed fee for trying.
It’s a long shot, but it might just work
We’ll do everything we need to to get your miracle done on time. Work through the night. Order more coffee. Sacrifice tofu. And when it works… everybody’s happy. Praise be.
To order your custom miracle, pick up your phone and call Colin on 07796 430 862. Salvation not included.
* If not, you’ll probably need to call God direct**.
**No, I don’t have His number.